dirty
EOG Master
<!--StartFragment --> LIL' TONY ON MATH
Lil' Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father ?
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the fvcking difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
LIL' TONY ON ENGLISH
Lil' Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn
multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable
word ?"
TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Lil' Tony, that's a mouthful."
Lil' Tony says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LIL' TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands
from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
little
TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant,
and he said, 'Beautiful, just fvcking beautiful !'"
LIL' TONY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot
one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on Lil' Tony.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Lil' Tony says, "I have a question for YOU."
"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down
the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
cream.
Which one is married ?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Lil' Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding
ring on," but I like your thinking."
LIL' TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Lil' Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know
eating
all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth,
and
make you fat."
Lil' Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"
Lil' Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fvcking business."'
LIL' TONY ON GRAMMAR
Lil' Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
to
the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p1ss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this
situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the
word
'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Lil' Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you
had
bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
<!--StartFragment --> DON'T NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT
>
>
> Two hillbillies, Ed and Red, walk into a bar. While having a shot of
> whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
>
> Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
> to cough. After about a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is
> in real distress.
>
> One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar" The
> woman shakes her head from left to right. "Kin ya breathe" Again she
> shakes her head to say no.
>
> The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
> yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right cheek a lick with
> his tongue.
>
> The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
> obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again,
the
> hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
>
> His partner says, "Ya know; I heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver,
> but I ain't never seed nobody do it before.
Lil' Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father ?
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the fvcking difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
LIL' TONY ON ENGLISH
Lil' Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn
multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable
word ?"
TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Lil' Tony, that's a mouthful."
Lil' Tony says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LIL' TONY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands
from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
little
TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant,
and he said, 'Beautiful, just fvcking beautiful !'"
LIL' TONY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot
one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on Lil' Tony.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Lil' Tony says, "I have a question for YOU."
"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down
the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
cream.
Which one is married ?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's
gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Lil' Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding
ring on," but I like your thinking."
LIL' TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Lil' Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know
eating
all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth,
and
make you fat."
Lil' Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"
Lil' Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fvcking business."'
LIL' TONY ON GRAMMAR
Lil' Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go
to
the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p1ss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this
situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the
word
'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Lil' Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you
had
bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
<!--StartFragment --> DON'T NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT
>
>
> Two hillbillies, Ed and Red, walk into a bar. While having a shot of
> whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation.
>
> Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
> to cough. After about a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is
> in real distress.
>
> One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar" The
> woman shakes her head from left to right. "Kin ya breathe" Again she
> shakes her head to say no.
>
> The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
> yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right cheek a lick with
> his tongue.
>
> The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
> obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again,
the
> hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
>
> His partner says, "Ya know; I heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver,
> but I ain't never seed nobody do it before.